Have you ever watched yourself through someone else’s video–through someone else’s eyes–and found yourself wondering who that person is on the screen? I’m naturally camera-shy, so I avoid being caught in a candid pose as much as possible, but there was one particular instance when I surprised myself with how confident I projected myself to my audience. I was speaking with so much passion, so much enthusiasm, so much… self-assuredness… that I now find it a bit difficult to connect that person on the screen with the person I had just been a few weeks ago.
Shortly before finally picking up my old copies of Julia Cameron’s The Artist’s Way at Work and Dr. Deepak Chopra’s Synchrodestiny, I had been sick, exhausted, and despondent. I was a shadow of my old self–a cracked shell with literally no voice–and I had allowed negative energies to envelop me and penetrate every cell of my being. Yesterday, thanks to a reminder from a dear friend and changemaker (you know who you are, Anna Oposa! :)), I was reminded of my aspirations for myself and my country–aspirations that I articulated so passionately in this TEDxManila video:
I know–being able to speak on the TEDx stage is a pretty awesome opportunity in itself. (I will be forever, FOREVER grateful to Joel Yuvienco and the UP community for that!) But, more than giving myself an ego boost, this reminded me that I have an obligation to my audience, to myself, and to my idea to get out there, step up, and take on the challenge of making this vision come true. It was only late last year when I was so sure of myself and my ideas–enough to share them with the rest of the world!–and I cannot turn my back on them now.
As Paulo Coelho had said in The Alchemist:
“To realize one’s destiny is a person’s only obligation.”
Watching myself here and seeing myself through someone else’s eyes now, I realize that I had no reason to doubt myself, no reason to hold myself back. But: I allowed negativity to poison my thoughts and system, and I sabotaged my goals by believing the mud that certain people had thrown at me in the course of pursuing this dream. Well, I won’t have it. Not anymore.
That person speaking to me in that video is ME, and I will make sure to get her back.