I’m thinking about all the changes happening around me and about how I’ve been reacting to them. Some of the changes have been really harsh eye-openers, but some of the impending changes are mostly good. No, let me rephrase that: they promise to be WONDERFUL. They promise to open me up to new worlds and new experiences, and certainly new opportunities for growth.
So why am I resisting all of this? Why am I recoiling and acting in fear? What am I afraid of?
I was talking to someone recently about how many of us secretly fear success and so engage in all sorts of “self-sabotaging” behaviors in order to keep success away. I myself have noticed a lot of negative self-talk, a lot of negative thoughts, and a lot of doubt. I have been keeping my own success away from me.
Maybe part of it is fear of the unknown and an insistence on staying within my own comfort zone. I’ve gotten quite comfortable with a certain lifestyle, a certain routine, and maybe a large part of me wants to keep things the way they are–no matter how “un-ideal” the situation can get. Sometimes, some of us get comfortable even with discomfort that when the big break arrives we wave it off, saying that we don’t need it.
But I do need this break. Five weeks shy of turning 32 (!!!) I’d like to finally be able to breathe deeply and say that I am giving my family everything that I possibly can to be comfortable. I’d like to make myself comfortable–and healthy (again). I’d like to be able to maximize my gifts in a way that makes me and everyone around me happy.
It’s possible, I think, but first I will need to confront my own fears, stop all this negative crap, look myself in the eye, and tell myself that I can do it.
As someone who’s been advocating change, I must be the first to embrace it and run with it, when the time comes.
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